lazy MorniNg i hAd today(actually Ytd.. cos now its already past 12mn..).. anyways.. went for children's class.. i missed the kids.. ALOT.. their s0o0o0o0 adorable.. seriously..! gosh.. lolss.. instead of teaching., sensei asked me to run on thE trEadmIlL..(--") haha.. i ran and ran and ran and ran.. so i only attended to the last class.. i din do much.. sianS.. sensei knew about wad had happened the day b4.. about me giving up halfway and all that.. OBVIOUSLY.. mark had told sensei about it.. sensei was disappointed i gave up halfway thru the fight.. but it was seriously tough.. sensei lohzhiqiang came to the dojo today.. i managed to catch him when he was about to leave the dojo.. he came to teach techniques.. and sensei questioned me about being late and missing the chance to learn something from sensei loh.. sensei told me sensei loh remembered me.. he din remember my name.. but remembered the strong fight i had with him on a nanyang poly training i had a couple of years ago.. sensei asked me to have more confidence in myself.. and that im being remembered by many coaches around and they are watching and bla bla.. somehow it lifts up my self esteem a little.. but makes me feel more pressurised.. i seriously do wanna win this comp.. mark told me.."think to urself.. is this a i SHOULD.? cos people expect me to get it.. or an i WANT.." i thought about it alot.. through the whole night ytd.. i realise that i didnt want this enough..
HmMm.. then i went to mEet the teas7.. the tEa Fam iS comPlete toDay..!! We plAyed games.. with lame punishments And forfeits.. HMMMm.. thEn i Had to go Home.. MoM and Dad boTh are in a super bad mood.. especiaally mom.. she seem to be having A scolding spree or smth.. and dad jus dislikes mom's shouting and so he shouts at us too.. how i wish this was jus a dream i could quickly wake up from.. cos its really bad with bag gran's critical condition thingy., judo comp's coming up., schoOl's starting., and thE worst is MOm and DAd screaming.. like the punching bag at home that mom and dad screams at when they get stressed up.. im sure jie's no better than me either.. so its lucky to have her around to share the scolding.. $$$$$$$$$$.. i hate $$$.. the world seem to revolve around $$.. the family is having a hard time coping with $$ again huh.. i cannot do anything to help too.. many things to worry about but have to leave it aside and take a step at a time..
Big gran is really scaring me.. she's being abandoned by her fam(dad is not her son.. my grandad married 2 wives.. so big gran is the older wife..).. and have been staying at an old age home stoning.. if i had the money i wouldnt put her there.. she cant remember anyone.. a person's memory deteriorates if she doesnt think.. she was so fat last time and she's now jus skin and bones.. she's been suffering for so long.. i dunno if she'll still make it thru this time.. cruel as her fam can be.. i dun tink they were the 1st to noe about her being admitted to the hospital.. anyway.. dad says she's in critical condition and he want's the fam to visit her tmr.. i seriously do wanna go.. but at the same time im really afraid to lose her.. tho she might not even remember me.. or i might not even have talked to her in AGES..
a day more till school starts.. a week more till judo comp.. a month more to o level chinese written paper.. sickening..
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Your Rules.
Th Lady ;
LOIS CHAN
CURRENTLY A STONE
SPENT 17YEARS STONING
CAME OUTTA NOWHERE ON 14/11/1991
CURRENTLY STILL A STONE AT NYP
THATS WHY ITS JUST DUMB